from The Onion: Hungry shoppers at the Gurnee Mills outlet mall can now get a name-brand lunch at a bargain-basement price, thanks to the Monday opening of McDonald’s first “Not Quite Perfect” outlet store, offering imperfect and irregular items from the fast-food giant’s menu.
“It’s true that consistency is part of what makes McDonald’s the leader in the fast-food industry, but so is good value,” said Brian Landers, manager of the McDonald’s outlet. “When customers see the low, low prices, they’re more than willing to give our Six-Piece Quarter Pounders and Fish McGriddles a try. The food’s a little different at this McDonald’s, but it’s really very close.”
Continued Landers: “Now, who’s ready for factory seconds?!”
“McDonald’s prides itself on having exacting standards for its products,” Landers said. “But throwing away all-carrot Salad Shakers, parallelogram-shaped hash browns, and McRibNuggets seemed so wasteful. With more of our customers struggling to make ends meet, we knew people would appreciate the opportunity to buy these slightly irregular products at irresistibly low prices.”
In spite of the few complaints, most outlet patrons say the bargain prices are well worth enduring the irregular food.
“It’s not like the meat’s tainted,” said Mack Vesper, a longtime McDonald’s customer. “A Quarter Pounder on a half-size seedless bun tastes just as good. And, while the gray Shamrock Shake took some getting used to, once you realize that you’re getting all the flavor at an eighth of the price, you adapt. Besides, who looks at the color of the shake once you start drinking it?”
