Gillette Fusion In It To Win It

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The Onion landed an exclusive with Gillette CEO James M. Kilts, who had this to say about his new Gillette Fusion razor:

Would someone tell me how this happened? We were the fucking vanguard of shaving in this country. The Gillette Mach3 was the razor to own. Then the other guy came out with a three-blade razor. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the Mach3Turbo. That’s three blades and an aloe strip. For moisture. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I’m telling you what happened—the bastards went to four blades. Now we’re standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we’re the chumps. Well, fuck it. We’re going to five blades.

Read the rest of this explosive article on The Onion.

About Matt Bergantino

Comments

American Copywriter says

February 14, 2006 at 2:09 pm

You’ve heard of national treasures? You know…Yellowstone, Lincoln, The Golden Gate Bridge. Add The Onion to that list. This country is better with those people around.
sullisnack.com says

February 14, 2006 at 6:39 pm

Enough Blades Already

Man, when I saw the third Blade movie starring Wesley Snipes, I thought I’d seen enough. How many more Blades can a person take. There is a sickening marketing scheme that is plaguing the RAZOR industry.
We have 3 blades.
Our 3-blader has al…
Rich Sharp says

February 15, 2006 at 11:06 am

One of the best from The Onion. Compare the Onion story with the release Gillette sent out last year hyping the Fusion. Makes you want to go electric.
http://www.psbblog.com/archives/2005/10/hail_the_onion.html
Rich Sharp says

February 15, 2006 at 11:06 am

One of the best from The Onion. Compare the Onion story with the release Gillette sent out last year hyping the Fusion. Makes you want to go electric.
http://www.psbblog.com/archives/2005/10/hail_the_onion.html
Concept Hunter says

March 8, 2006 at 2:09 pm

There’s nothing funnier than a CEO outburst. I should really tick him off and invent my own razor with 10 blades.
Jose m. figueroa. says

August 18, 2006 at 8:28 am

I’am loveing My gillette Fusion is the best of the best. My Friends are saying to me to stop takling so much about the fusion. The thing is am so in love with it I can help it if I love this great razor okay…….